Gifts & Heirlooms: Joy of Less Part 7

This topic I know is controversial. And rightly so, as receiving and giving gifts is a primary way we, as humans, express love and appreciation for each other (see our previous post on 5 Love Languages). 

Before diving into this, I would like to recall what is mentioned over and over again in the few decluttering/cleaning books I've read. If something brings you joy, it is a candidate to keep. I'm not advocating at all for getting rid of all gifts and heirlooms or never giving or receiving gifts again. But, there are things to consider and reconsider when it comes to these things.

“Throughout history, gifts have symbolized a special transaction between two people; they’ve been used to convey respect, curry favor, express love, extend hospitality, seal friendships, ask for forgiveness, and more. The key word here, however, is symbolize. The gift itself is nothing more than an object representing a certain emotion or intention—which, absent that object, still remains.” (Joy of Less, pg. 223)

Some ways we can help minimalize gifts are to give and request consumable, experience, or service gifts.

Consumable gifts are great, because they can be enjoyed, but don't have to be stored. I remember a few Christmases ago, Sam's family received a dozen or so gourmet carmel apples. They were so yummy and fun to eat. Here are some other consumable gift ideas:

• Artisan chocolates
• Favorite dessert
• Gourmet olive oil
• Homemade pasta
• Baked goods
• Flowers
• Seeds for garden

Experience gifts are a great way to create and share memories and develop interests. Things can break or wear out, but memories of a wonderful experience will last forever. Here are some ideas:

• Music lessons
• Theater tickets
• Memberships or passes to museums, parks, etc.
• Trip or vacation
• Dining out

Service gifts can be a clever way to send a gift message, and are often budget-friendly. Consider these ideas:

• Babysitting
• Snow shoveling
• Car wash or oil change
• Computer assistance
• Committing to spend time together—picnic, hike, lunch together
• Donate to a charity instead of exchanging gifts

Another idea is to just simplify gift giving in general. Sam and I have a very small budget for each other's b-days, anniversary, Christmas, etc. We also know Winston will be getting gifts from both sets of grandparents, so we pare down on what we want to give him. It works well for us. 

In college I learned of a tradition called the "Three Wisemen Gifts" at Christmas--only 3 gifts per person. The gifts represent the meaning of the wisemen gifts of gold, frankincense and muir. Something they really want (a "fun" gift), something to increase their knowledge (maybe a book, puzzle or mind game), and something to wear. There are variations of this tradition, but something similar can greatly reduce the influx of stuff and maybe even the greed and selfishness that sometimes comes with receiving gifts. I loved this idea when I heard about it, and this past Christmas season I learned of many other families I work with and live near that do this successfully. Sam and I are adopting this in our home this coming year.

Heirlooms are quite a bit different than gifts, but are often still heavy with emotion. Sometimes, we don’t hold on to these objects because they’re useful or beautiful; but we keep them out of a sense of guilt, sentiment, and responsibility to preserve our family “heritage.” 

When a loved one passes on, wait a period of time to go through their stuff. Keep it boxed up until you are emotionally ready to take a logical approach. Remember: the stuff isn’t the person.

If you’re saving things to pass down—acknowledge that your kids may not want them. They have their own styles, and their own stuff. It doesn't hurt to strike up a conversation to feel out their interests.

Consider giving some of your heirlooms as gifts to your loved ones and giving them before you pass away. Both of my grandmothers have done this in one way or another. It can aid in building relationships, memories, and help you find good homes for the stuff you love, leaving less stuff in your care.