Gifts & Heirlooms: Joy of Less Part 7

This topic I know is controversial. And rightly so, as receiving and giving gifts is a primary way we, as humans, express love and appreciation for each other (see our previous post on 5 Love Languages). 

Before diving into this, I would like to recall what is mentioned over and over again in the few decluttering/cleaning books I've read. If something brings you joy, it is a candidate to keep. I'm not advocating at all for getting rid of all gifts and heirlooms or never giving or receiving gifts again. But, there are things to consider and reconsider when it comes to these things.

“Throughout history, gifts have symbolized a special transaction between two people; they’ve been used to convey respect, curry favor, express love, extend hospitality, seal friendships, ask for forgiveness, and more. The key word here, however, is symbolize. The gift itself is nothing more than an object representing a certain emotion or intention—which, absent that object, still remains.” (Joy of Less, pg. 223)

Some ways we can help minimalize gifts are to give and request consumable, experience, or service gifts.

Consumable gifts are great, because they can be enjoyed, but don't have to be stored. I remember a few Christmases ago, Sam's family received a dozen or so gourmet carmel apples. They were so yummy and fun to eat. Here are some other consumable gift ideas:

• Artisan chocolates
• Favorite dessert
• Gourmet olive oil
• Homemade pasta
• Baked goods
• Flowers
• Seeds for garden

Experience gifts are a great way to create and share memories and develop interests. Things can break or wear out, but memories of a wonderful experience will last forever. Here are some ideas:

• Music lessons
• Theater tickets
• Memberships or passes to museums, parks, etc.
• Trip or vacation
• Dining out

Service gifts can be a clever way to send a gift message, and are often budget-friendly. Consider these ideas:

• Babysitting
• Snow shoveling
• Car wash or oil change
• Computer assistance
• Committing to spend time together—picnic, hike, lunch together
• Donate to a charity instead of exchanging gifts

Another idea is to just simplify gift giving in general. Sam and I have a very small budget for each other's b-days, anniversary, Christmas, etc. We also know Winston will be getting gifts from both sets of grandparents, so we pare down on what we want to give him. It works well for us. 

In college I learned of a tradition called the "Three Wisemen Gifts" at Christmas--only 3 gifts per person. The gifts represent the meaning of the wisemen gifts of gold, frankincense and muir. Something they really want (a "fun" gift), something to increase their knowledge (maybe a book, puzzle or mind game), and something to wear. There are variations of this tradition, but something similar can greatly reduce the influx of stuff and maybe even the greed and selfishness that sometimes comes with receiving gifts. I loved this idea when I heard about it, and this past Christmas season I learned of many other families I work with and live near that do this successfully. Sam and I are adopting this in our home this coming year.

Heirlooms are quite a bit different than gifts, but are often still heavy with emotion. Sometimes, we don’t hold on to these objects because they’re useful or beautiful; but we keep them out of a sense of guilt, sentiment, and responsibility to preserve our family “heritage.” 

When a loved one passes on, wait a period of time to go through their stuff. Keep it boxed up until you are emotionally ready to take a logical approach. Remember: the stuff isn’t the person.

If you’re saving things to pass down—acknowledge that your kids may not want them. They have their own styles, and their own stuff. It doesn't hurt to strike up a conversation to feel out their interests.

Consider giving some of your heirlooms as gifts to your loved ones and giving them before you pass away. Both of my grandmothers have done this in one way or another. It can aid in building relationships, memories, and help you find good homes for the stuff you love, leaving less stuff in your care.

The Blushing Bride To-Be

One of my best friends, Jessica, was married last Friday. Everything was perfectly planned and went very smoothly. Even the rain did its show before the festivities began. It was a beautiful day.

For Jess's bridal shower about a month ago, I put together a Honeymoon Survival Kit that I saw someone else give my cousin earlier this year. This gift is fun enough to make all the guests smile and sometimes laugh, and just risque enough to make the bride blush. But it's worth it (isn't it, Jess?). Even Jess's grandma told me how glad she was that I put something like that together.

So, here's a list of the goods that could be included in such a Honeymoon Survival Kit

• Bubble bath
• Energy drinks
• Green M&Ms (or a note on a bag of M&Ms with instructions to consume only the green ones)
• Strobe light (or night light; with note stating: Groom wants lights on, Bride wants lights off--here's your first compromise)
• Sleeping mask
• Caffine pills or "No Dose"
• Fun and/or naughty lingerie (for her and/or him)
• Hand towels
• Chocolate sauce with paint brushes
• Energy/power bars
• KY jelly or flavored packets
• A romantic mini-box game available in most book stores (got one at Barnes & Noble near their cash registers)
• Instrumental CD (I got one called "Spanish Guitar: Amor." Soo romantic, I'm sure)
• Contraceptive(s) of your choice
• Pregnancy test
• Tea light candles
• Breath mints
• And last minute (very last minute), I threw in a package of bubble wrap (yes, bubble wrap) and tied a feather to it, just to stir the imagination a bit, ya know? This is the most hilarious part. I still laugh about it.
• Of course, possibilities are endless, and more fun if it is a group gift.

With Sam's help, I also wrote a little "warning/disclaimer" paragraph that I tied to the package. It's a little lengthy (and perhaps not quite "PG" rated for the blog), but it was hilarious. (If you want a copy of it, let me know.)

It was fun to put together. I asked a few people for ideas on what to put in it, but BEWARE if you do so. I got some shocking responses that I decided to ignore; they made me blush. I'll stay in my own little bubble, thank you very much.

Our One Souvenir

To the best of my memory, Sam and I have never brought home more than a postcard as a souvenir from a trip. Not that we don't see things we like, but we lived in some teeny apartments the first 5 years of our married life and we didn't feel like buying something that would sit in a box untouched or on a shelf to collect dust.

Our last trip to NYC in December of 2008, our friends Neibaur and Leila took us to Fishs Eddy which is a one-of-a-kind dishes store just down the street from the Flatiron building not far from Union Square. I loved the store and have thought about it numerous times since our first visit. (I didn't even think to look for their website until I was at the store and saw their business cards.)

Fishs Eddy has some unique dish and linen designs, including some with the Brooklyn Bridge and the New York skyline, and even some with floorplans.

I perused the busy store looking for something unique for our new home. This is what we decided to buy.

Isn't it fun? Luckily, it's made of melamine, which didn't add much to our luggage weight.

They have some fun--and very funny--stuff. Check out this small tray that is printed like a parking ticket. Quirky for sure, but hilarious! 

Next time you need a gift for someone, check out this store--there might be something charmingly bizarre and peculiarly perfect. 

Goodbye with Sweet Sorrow

This is the last bottle of like-items we received as part of our bridal shower and reception gifts from our wedding (3 years and 5 1/2 months ago).

And, to give this even more "umpf," we've never lived in an apartment with a dish washing machine (woe is us, I know). So, for 3 years and 5 1/2 months, we have washed our dishes by hand, with the help of numerous bottles of colorful, sweet-smelling dish soap we received as gifts.

That's a lot of bottles. I remember laughing as we unpacked all our loot after our honeymoon because we had stacks of dish soap under our sink. Stacks.

And now, to think I have to go to the store to buy a bottle is...strange. But quite timely, I think. We received enough dish soap to get us through our "starving college student" phase in life. And this bottle will probably last for another couple weeks, and beyond, and at that point our little family will no longer be classified as a student-household. (Hooray!)

So, cheers to years of stocked dish soap. And to the new responsibility of purchasing dish soap forever more.