Yesterday and today I drove to and from my current home to my previous home, about a 2 hour drive each way (3 hours today, due to inclement weather). If my situation were different, I would have stayed the evening last night and taken some more time to visit some of my friends whom I miss greatly. But, that will have to come another time.
The reason for my traveling back and forth was to sit on the interviewing committee to fill the position that I vacated about 1 1/2 years ago. It's been a long time in coming (for many reasons), but it's finally here. And there were good candidates.
I was very much looking forward to taking part in hiring for my old job, but I wasn't expecting some of the emotions that came with it. Now, don't over-read that. I didn't become emotional (I'm really not an emotional kind of person). But there were definitely some feelings of nostalgia, like visiting a childhood home, or family you haven't seen in a while. Kind of like coming home.
Actually, the best way to describe it is this: remember the first time you visited your parents' home after you moved out and lived on your own for a while? The first time you stayed in your old bedroom after being away to college or being married? Kind of reminiscent, kind of faded memories, but also very vivid memories, and no regret for moving on? This visit to Duchesne was kind of that way. It was my first "real" job, my first shot at life after college, our first big move together as a married couple (even though we weren't really together for a lot of that time...), where we brought home our first baby.
While there, I almost reached for my keys a few times to open the office door. I found myself looking around the multipurpose room wondering what else I needed to set up (though it wasn't my responsibility). The office staff said they still refer to my old office as "Melanie's office," and the state staff still sends materials there in my name (even though they sent the same things in my name to my current office...).
I ran into some good friends whom I miss, and realized as I saw them how much I really miss them. And many I hoped I would be able to visit, but the tight schedule (and daunting weather) didn't allow time.
I still feel bad about leaving Duchesne. I loved my job, the people I worked with, and the community and our friends there. I was just getting things started when we moved, and I could feel a sort of sigh of disappointment as we left, and it weighed on me in ways I can't really describe.
I feel much better now after this visit. There are some good candidates for the position and because of that I finally feel some closure I didn't realize I needed.
1 comment:
I totally hear you on the nostalgia thing. I got an extra helping of the nostalgia gene...it hits me bad. One thing that always strikes me is that I remember the first moment of a change, and then I tend to repeat that moment in my mind every time I retrace those steps. Like the first time we took the freeway exit into San Antonio, after driving from Utah, never having been here before but knowing that I would be living here for four years. I have taken that exit a million times since then and I almost always reflect on how I was feeling the first time I drove that road. I do this with other things too. It is interesting to juxtapose the familiarity of it now with the newness of it then. And then, after I move on, if I revisit it, it will be foreign again and but this time I'll be remembering how it felt when it was familiar-- just like you said. Hmm...this may have been disjointed but there you go...made me think a bit, thanks.
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