Back Seat Rider

Last year for Winston's birthday we bought him a little wiggle car. So far the neighbor kids use it more than he does, but the other day he used his little brain and jumped on the back of the driver.

They had a blast, and kept going and going and going. Oscar was a clever driver with great skills to maneuver around easily. It was cute to watch.

Our down-sloping driveway seems to attract a whole slew of neighborhood kids when our garage is open and Winston is out. They all bring their bikes, scooters, little cars, big wheels--you name it, they bring it. Winston loves it! And so do I--anything that I don't have to come up with to entertain the boy, bring it on. Especially when it's warm and sunny out.

Sunday Best

I always like Sundays, for multiple reasons. One is because I get to see my little man in a tie. Little boys and ties always go so well together.

Every once and a while Winston smiles and looks just like one (sometimes more than one) of Sam's brothers. People who know my brothers say he looks a lot like my family. And people who know Sam says he looks a lot like Sam's family. And our brothers don't look alike. Hmm...

From whomever he gets his looks, he's sure a handsome little dude.


PS shortly after these photos I noticed a tear in his pants. I guess I'll be hunting down another church outfit this week...

Gifts & Heirlooms: Joy of Less Part 7

This topic I know is controversial. And rightly so, as receiving and giving gifts is a primary way we, as humans, express love and appreciation for each other (see our previous post on 5 Love Languages). 

Before diving into this, I would like to recall what is mentioned over and over again in the few decluttering/cleaning books I've read. If something brings you joy, it is a candidate to keep. I'm not advocating at all for getting rid of all gifts and heirlooms or never giving or receiving gifts again. But, there are things to consider and reconsider when it comes to these things.

“Throughout history, gifts have symbolized a special transaction between two people; they’ve been used to convey respect, curry favor, express love, extend hospitality, seal friendships, ask for forgiveness, and more. The key word here, however, is symbolize. The gift itself is nothing more than an object representing a certain emotion or intention—which, absent that object, still remains.” (Joy of Less, pg. 223)

Some ways we can help minimalize gifts are to give and request consumable, experience, or service gifts.

Consumable gifts are great, because they can be enjoyed, but don't have to be stored. I remember a few Christmases ago, Sam's family received a dozen or so gourmet carmel apples. They were so yummy and fun to eat. Here are some other consumable gift ideas:

• Artisan chocolates
• Favorite dessert
• Gourmet olive oil
• Homemade pasta
• Baked goods
• Flowers
• Seeds for garden

Experience gifts are a great way to create and share memories and develop interests. Things can break or wear out, but memories of a wonderful experience will last forever. Here are some ideas:

• Music lessons
• Theater tickets
• Memberships or passes to museums, parks, etc.
• Trip or vacation
• Dining out

Service gifts can be a clever way to send a gift message, and are often budget-friendly. Consider these ideas:

• Babysitting
• Snow shoveling
• Car wash or oil change
• Computer assistance
• Committing to spend time together—picnic, hike, lunch together
• Donate to a charity instead of exchanging gifts

Another idea is to just simplify gift giving in general. Sam and I have a very small budget for each other's b-days, anniversary, Christmas, etc. We also know Winston will be getting gifts from both sets of grandparents, so we pare down on what we want to give him. It works well for us. 

In college I learned of a tradition called the "Three Wisemen Gifts" at Christmas--only 3 gifts per person. The gifts represent the meaning of the wisemen gifts of gold, frankincense and muir. Something they really want (a "fun" gift), something to increase their knowledge (maybe a book, puzzle or mind game), and something to wear. There are variations of this tradition, but something similar can greatly reduce the influx of stuff and maybe even the greed and selfishness that sometimes comes with receiving gifts. I loved this idea when I heard about it, and this past Christmas season I learned of many other families I work with and live near that do this successfully. Sam and I are adopting this in our home this coming year.

Heirlooms are quite a bit different than gifts, but are often still heavy with emotion. Sometimes, we don’t hold on to these objects because they’re useful or beautiful; but we keep them out of a sense of guilt, sentiment, and responsibility to preserve our family “heritage.” 

When a loved one passes on, wait a period of time to go through their stuff. Keep it boxed up until you are emotionally ready to take a logical approach. Remember: the stuff isn’t the person.

If you’re saving things to pass down—acknowledge that your kids may not want them. They have their own styles, and their own stuff. It doesn't hurt to strike up a conversation to feel out their interests.

Consider giving some of your heirlooms as gifts to your loved ones and giving them before you pass away. Both of my grandmothers have done this in one way or another. It can aid in building relationships, memories, and help you find good homes for the stuff you love, leaving less stuff in your care.

Gatekeeping: Joy of Less Part 6

Since finishing Joy of Less about 2 months ago, I have filled 7+ boxes of stuff, and have a list of things to sell that gets longer and longer. It's kind of exciting. And I can tell that excitement is spreading. Many of my friends and family who read the blog have told me about their decluttering adventures. Keep the decluttering coming!

“We can declutter until the day is long, but one of the keys to minimalist living is controlling the inflow. In most cases, this power lies entirely in our hands…” (Joy of Less, pg. 161)

We could declutter and declutter and declutter. We really could spend all time and too much energy doing so. The REAL secret is everyday maintenance, otherwise it will all just come right back. The trick to maintaining a clean and/or decluttered space is gatekeeping. 

 The same can be said in many other aspects of life. Think about it—when we lose weight, the only way to keep it off is to be a good gatekeeper about what you eat (and a good gatekeeper about time to exercise). When you pay off a debt, the only way to keep it away is to be a good gatekeeper about your budget. To quote Joy of Less, “To maintain clutter free storage spaces, you must be a good gatekeeper.” The only way to keep stuff at a minimum is to watch what you bring into your house.

It’s always stated much more simply, isn’t it? But how, exactly, can we be good gatekeepers?

“Have nothing in your houses that you do not know to be useful or believe to be beautiful.”

– William Morris, British writer & designer (p. 29)

In addition to adopting strict criticism for new things entering your home, here are some gatekeeping tips.

One-In, One-Out rule. If I remember correctly, I think I packed roughly 34 pairs of shoes (sandals, running shoes, dressy shoes, boots, flip flops, etc.) when I moved to college. It didn’t take me long to realize that’s not necessary. (And I just read in a magazine yesterday that Stacy from TLC's What Not To Wear has over 300 high heels...I thought I had a problem...) As my shoes eventually wore out, I didn’t replace them. Some I gave away. I love shoes, and love the variety they come in, but I try now to use the one-in, one-out rule. When I come home from shopping with an unexpected purchase of clothing, I usually get rid of something else in my closet I don’t like wearing. We often keep things, like the old TV, when we buy a newer, nicer one. Do we really plan on using that old TV again (especially after updating to HD)? One in, one out.

Watch horizontal spaces. They are flat surfaces. Flat surface collect things. Just look around your house, and you’ll see what I mean. I was going to buy a small end table a few months ago, but now I realize I don’t really need it, and it will just be a flat space to collect things. Clear these horizontal spaces daily—perhaps just before bedtime. Leave only what should be there—what is used there and isn’t in the way of anything else. Any item that doesn't belong turns into a magnet for other items.

Schedule massive decluttering session yearly. Maybe shortly after Christmas with all the new stuff in the house. This can greatly help the gatekeeping.

One-a-Day decluttering (that’s 365 things in one year). It may be easier to just simply get rid of one thing a day. Something has got to go. Just think how easy this could be: your junk drawer could keep you busy for a year! J

Carefully reconsider items that don’t take up much space. My first 5 boxes of stuff I donated were things I kept. While I wasn’t using them right then and didn’t really have plans to use them, they “didn’t take up much space,” so they stayed stashed away. What’s one book on a bookshelf of books, or one jacket in a closetful? Space is space, even if it is small. And believe me, it adds up. 5 boxes, baby. 

Consider gifts and heirlooms carefully. Remember we can't take things with us when we die. Why wait for someone else to rummage through our things and decide for us what happens to them? This topic is huge. More to come.

The more I think about gatekeeping, the more I realize it really applies to following through with any goal you may have. It also gives me more insight into what “enduring to the end” really means. The secret to happiness (and decluttering) may very well be our ability to "gatekeep." Not that I'm perfect--not by any means. This book has opened up much more that I can work on, in more aspects than just the items in my home.

Potty Training is NOT for the Faint of Heart

We had been trying to coax Winston to sit on his little potty in the nude for a few months, and I eventually convinced (maybe forced?) him to sit nude right before bath-time, of course he was rewarded with a treat when he pottied. That worked well for a few weeks, but he refused the potty any other time. The first official day of his Thomas the train underwear and absolutely no turning back was January 15, 2012. He was a good sport, really enjoyed his newly learned skills, and had minimal accidents the first week. By January 27th, he had been 100% accident free for 3 days. Wahoo!

And then he decided that #2 would not happen. On the potty, in his underwear, or in a diaper. He just refused. It wouldn't have been so bad if he had just decided that, however, he was a grouchy grump, and wouldn't even nap long because he'd wake himself up trying to hold it in. And you all know how happy non-napping toddlers are. It was a vicious cycle. At times when I thought his body would do the work for him, I'd have to drag him to the potty and he'd more often then not throw a good fist in my face. I think I had a bloody lip once or twice. Thankfully, he never was constipated--just held it in longer than needed.

This lasted for a good 1 1/2 to 2 weeks. He was still totally accident free, but ornery. And as hard as I tried, I was ornery, too. I usually started out the day with lots of patience, but, despite good intentions, I lost it almost every day. One day in particular, I broke down in tears (a very rare thing for me) as I talked to my mom on the phone. I couldn't take any more days full of a grumpy, fighting, hitting, screaming child. She assured me that within a month he'd be used to going on his own, and that it's still a new thing for him. And she made a deal with Winston: if he went #2 all by himself, she would throw him a poo-poo party, complete with some balloons.

Sometime before this, I made an impromptu sticker chart to entice him. I also read up on pediatricians' and psychologists' websites and blogs trying to find more suggestions. I found a bunch of tips, and incorporated many of them. We got a children's picture book from the library that doctor's recommended and even found some potty time videos on Sesamestreet.org (like this one and these). Meanwhile, I tried my hardest to follow the principles I previously learned from ScreamFree Parenting. It's hard to say what really made the difference, and I think it was a combination of all the tips plus time just for him to get used to it. I don't think the prune juice hurt, either.

His sticker chart had 3 stickers on it for more than a week. And then--BAM!--he filled it up within 4-5 days. As a reward, we took him to buy a new Thomas train and a doughnut, and he still asks me if I remember when we bought a train and he ate his chocolate doughnut. The party with my mom was postponed a little bit due to her stroke, but we eventually got to celebrate--complete with balloons and M&Ms.

He is now a pro at the potty. He is so proud, and so are we. His little I-can-do-it-by-myself attitude is definitely more pronounced in many more daily things. He's now our big little boy, and not our tiny little baby. He'll be entering kindergarten before we know it...

I think the 2 weeks of trying to help Winston with this issue were the hardest weeks of my life. I began questioning how any parent makes it through potty training sane. And then I almost convinced myself they don't (haha). The hardest part was keeping my own cool, and dealing with the disappointment in myself when I didn't. It sounds ridiculous as I say that, but I've never been under more pressure to stay calm for such an extended time. Day after day, hour after hour. Sheesh! I think those doughnuts were really more for me than for him. :)

The day I broke down in tears, I asked my mom how she had so much patience with her children. She laughed, implying she was not. And I realized that's what grandparenting is for--a space of time to actually put your patience to good use on your grandchildren--a second chance, in many ways, and a time to devote completely to loving those small, beautiful children. I sometimes feel bad that my little son is my little guinea pig, in many ways, for me to practice. But, I guess that's parenting.

Winston Lately

If it is something that can be inherited, Winston definitely inherited my father's and my grandfather's love for trains. He loves them--all varieties of them.

He convinced me to make a train out of playdough the other day. And it doesn't look too bad, does it?

His Auntie KaeDee taught him this song a while ago, and lately he'll just randomly start singing it. It's really cute. Of course, he shuts down a little when the camera is pulled out, but you'll get the idea. 

(Do you love his shorts in the middle of winter? Hey, we've been potty-training 'round here...more to come on that, soon.)

Where to Put What You Keep: Joy of Less Part 5

One first instinct when motivated to declutter is to buy storage. The author mentions throughout the book something similar to:

“I usually advocate some tough-love decluttering over buying additional storage…” (Joy of Less, pg. 157)

So, once we toughen it out and chuck stuff, where's the best place for what we keep?

20/80 RULE

We use 20% of our stuff 80% of the time. So, the author argues, we could basically get rid of 80% of our stuff and hardly notice. Wow. But some of that we will notice, because even if it’s only 20% of the time, we’re using it. This helps us know where to put things.

The author introduced an easy concept for where to store things. Things belong in one of three places: 1) Inner Circles, 2) Outer Circles, or 3) Deep storage.

Inner circles belong to the 20% of things we use 80% of the time. We reach for these frequently. They should be placed in a convenient location that is easy to access and easy to put away. Think of standing in front of your closet and being able to reach without moving legs or getting a chair. This is the inner circle.

Outer circles belong to other objects we use less frequently than inner circle items, but more frequently than deep storage. These are items we don’t even use once a week, perhaps, but it would be very inconvenient to pack away in extreme locations (attic, under the stairs, etc.).

Deep storage belongs to objects we use seasonally or a couple of times a year, and can be under your bed, in an attic, perhaps garage, etc.

Let’s use clothing as an example. Since we don’t use all of our clothing at the same time, we can easily divide them into the three categories:

1) inner circle: clothing that fits the 20/80 rule—most frequently worn. This should be most easily accessible in your closet, without need a chair, or needing to reach to far corners of the closet (depending on size of closet).

2) Outer circle: clothing used less frequently, but too often to put in deep storage. This applies to my dresses and skirts. I don’t wear these on a daily basis, but want access to them for church on Sundays and other more dressy events. These are in a far corner of my closet, easily within reach when needed. For me, this may also be my seasonal clothing—right now my summer shorts and lightweight clothing is in a box on the highest shelf in my closet. I switch it to sweaters and heavyweight clothing at season’s change (it also borderlines with deep storage).

3) Deep storage: this is clothing we hardly use or don’t right now. Perhaps it’s outgrown baby clothes waiting for the next little occupant, or maternity clothes. Maybe you choose to put summer clothing in a box under the bed, or gardening shoes and gloves in deep storage until gardening season.

I love this inner, outer, deep storage idea. It works for bathroom lotions and potions, kitchen supplies, crafting/hobby items, books, household décor, linens, etc.

MODULES

These would be boxes and areas for like items and activities. For example, if you knit, you could have a tote with your current project and needed supplies. Everything needed fits in that tote. When you want to work on the project, grab the tote, work on it, and then put everything back in its box, back in your inner/outer/deep storage designated area. I already did this with a few things before I read Joy of Less, including a “craft” box with stickers, crayons, markers, paper and coloring books for Winston, as well as a box with current scrapbooking/paper crafting projects. It’s a nice way to keep it all together.

Modules can also be done in a variety of ways, beyond crafting and hobbies. Kitchen supplies could be put in modules based on supplies needed to make homemade pizza, or cake decorating, for example. Or a module of fine-dining linens and silverware. Possibilities are endless.

FLEXSPACES

My kitchen table is a flexspace. It is used to eat, to do crafts, to sit with our laptops, etc. Flexspaces are used, apparently, in offices frequently. It’s an area that can be used by anyone for anything, but must be cleared when done so that the next person/project can use it.

This is likely an area where we don’t store things, but we may bring a module to use. Reading about flexspaces kind of opened my eyes in a “well-duh” kind of way, and gives me more motivation to keep our table clear after and before each activity.

RE-EVALUATE STORAGE (and think outside the box...literally)

Once we have a vision of our inner/outer/deep storage areas, modules and flexspaces, (after we’ve decluttered, of course) then we can take a look at what kind of storage we might need to purchase or repurpose or build (or even toss). Perhaps what containers or shelves we already had don’t really serve their purpose once we determine most convenient homes for our stuff.

I can think of three pieces of furniture in my bedroom right now that is making my inner circle stuff less convenient to pull out and to put away. I’ve got a plan for those brewing in my head…

Pinterest is a great place to find ways to organize your storage places and modules. Check out some of these creative beauties from my pinboard collection.

>> Book"shelves" made of dowels and fabric.

>> Spice rack on wheels to slide next to fridge. 

>> Wrapping paper at tippy-top of closet, secured with string.