A Tip From A Successful Working Momma

The other day while driving home from work, I heard a news teaser on the radio. It basically said, "stay tuned to learn successful working mothers' secrets."

During the commercial break, I thought about what the secret could be. What do I do to have success in the workplace? And how do I do it without compromising home-life and duties?

I thought about how I really try to have steep boundaries between work and home (sometimes hard to do when I occasionally work at home).

I thought about how I really try to be professional in my part-time career, and leave all personal issues, etc., out of work so that I can concentrate on work.

I thought about how I don't try to do everything. That's really just impossible. There are a million things I want to do, but I just don't, because of my time restraints between momma-and-house-duties and work.

I thought about how the real secret is probably a supportive husband. There's no way I could do what I do without Sam.

As my mind was still guessing "the secret" successful working mothers have, the radio commercials ended and the news began.

Wanna know the secret?

The secret is that successful working mothers are depressed.

What?! What kind of secret is that? 

The news stated:
"Working moms who held onto a "supermom" attitude -- the idea that they can climb the corporate ladder and have a clean house, delicious dinner and perfect children -- were more unhappy and depressed than women who accepted the fact that they just can't do it all."

Huh. Not what I was expecting to hear (and sometimes that's just how they summarize and tweak the news to fit it into small highlights on the radio).

I was really expecting to hear a tip from successful working moms on how they do it. Not how they don't do it and how they really put on a front--a disguise to cover their contradiction.

(Sigh)

(BIG sigh)

As I've thought about this the last few days, I realize that it IS possible to be both, but not without compromising. What has to be compromised? Well, that's different for every body.

Sam and I made the decision long ago that we would raise our children. Thankfully I have a part-time job flexible enough that I can generally make my own schedule. I drop Winston off at Sam's work as soon as he's done and then it's my turn to work. Sam just commented the other day that he likes that I go to work when he gets done because it kind of forces him to spend time with Winston. If I were around during that time, he might just be busy with other things and not really take advantage of that father-son time. Being with our child as much as possible is our goal.

I also thrive best in an organized, clean home. So, that is a priority for me (ironically, however, my office is not so tidy...that piles up and doesn't get sorted as often as it should). I spend time after exercising (almost) every morning scuttling around the house doing necessary chores. Some days and chores take more time and effort than others, of course. I also spend time before bed doing the same. I don't find it time consuming because I (generally) stay on top of it.

I do compromise hobbies. I don't get to read as often as I'd like. I don't get to blog or facebook as much as I'd like (that's probably a good thing, though). I haven't scrap-booked in who-knows-how-long. For-fun shopping trips are usually just there-and-back without much browsing-for-fun. And date nights for Sam and I usually consist of a red box and popcorn after Winston's asleep. And that's okay with us.


In conclusion, if you are one of those successful working moms (or dads, for that matter!) with the secret of depression looming behind you, I encourage you to take this tip from me: it's OKAY and HEALTHY to NOT do and be everything. Figure out what is most important to you, given your circumstances, and make the best of it. Something will have to compromise, and that's the real secret of how you can be a successful [working] momma (or dadda).


PS I hope it goes without saying that the same principle applies to non-working mommas (and dads). The news report mentioned above also stated that stay-at-home moms are more depressed than working moms. We have to realize there really is just no such thing as Super Powers.